I Watched “Sucker Punch” and Decided to Write About it Here

Currently I’m busy with work and writing for Gapers Block, which means that I don’t have much time or ideas for long posts for here. Sometimes, I do need a great motivation to constantly blog, like The Great 90’s Animated Film Project, which means I’m turning again to writing about movies here.

So tonight I bring you a time-delay blog post on Zack Snyder’s film Sucker Punch. (I don’t think it’s possible to really live blog unless you use software like Cover it Live.) Why would I want to watch Sucker Punch? Because otherwise Beginners is the worst film I’ve seen this year and it wasn’t even that bad, it just needed some work and more Christopher Plummer. Rather than give a deep analysis of the film, like I did for The Great 90’s Animated Film Project and Can’t Stop the Music, I’ve decided to just do the closest thing I can to live blogging the film.

9:55 p.m.—Okay, I can’t find the clip of Blue saying “Employer.” So that concludes me writing about watching Sucker Punch. This is definitely the last Zack Snyder film I’m watching.

9:45 p.m.—Wow. That was terrible. Again, the only way that I’m seeing this could be justified as a female empowerment tale is because Babydoll does things to let Sweet Pea escape. But with the attempted rape and objectification of women, it’s hard to justify that. This made me feel dirtier than looking at an American Apparel ad.

9:44 p.m.—Enough with the attempted rape! How did this film get a PG-13 rating?

9:40 p.m.—Wait, pause. So Babydoll created the fantasy of the brothel where she also had the fantasy of the battles in order to escape the reality of her being lobotomized? This film is like a really lousy Inception.

9:39 p.m.—JON HAMM!

9:34 p.m.—Why is there so much attempted rape in this film?

9:33 p.m.—So Blue just shot a girl to make a point and then he shot another girl for being a snitch?

9:32 p.m.—Okay, this is how it sounds like: “emplOYER!” See? I can’t do it justice.

9:30 p.m.—I wish I could do justice to how Blue says “employer” in a monologue, because that is possibly the best part in this whole movie. I just had to watch it three times.

9:28 p.m.—JON HAMM!

9:26 p.m.—I see that seductive dancing didn’t distract the cook.

9:19 p.m.—This is in the middle of a battle sequence that I’m thinking of this, but I am deeply disturbed by them deciding to use Babydoll’s seductive dancing to distract the cook in order to get his knife after the cook tried to rape Sweet Pea earlier.

9:17 p.m.—Another question: Why is Amber always operating the machinery? (Helicopter, plane, Rabbit robot.)

9:14 p.m.—Why are they wearing very little while working in the kitchen? That might be a question I will never have an answer too.

9:13 p.m.—The performance of Blue is easily one of my favorite things about this film. Other than the battle sequences.

8:56 p.m.—Was the hip-hop underscoring the entrance of the Mayor supposed to make me laugh?

8:53 p.m.—So far, my theory as to why Zack Snyder felt as though this would empower women is because Babydoll keeps putting herself in danger to try to save the girls in the third and fourth realities and maybe the second.

8:49 p.m.—Even though it feels like I’m watching someone play a video game, I’m finding the battle scenes to be the most interesting part of this film.

8:42 p.m.—Okay, clockwork zombies are an interesting idea.

8:40 p.m.—It’s about time there was a slow motion shot in this movie. That is, after all, Zack Snyder’s signature.

8:34 p.m.—Wait, that’s who Vanessa Hudgens is in this film? I didn’t recognize her from the last thing I saw her in…which was a High School Musical film.

8:29 p.m.—That first fight scene with the stone creature was the first time in this film I felt really engaged. Actually interesting to watch.

8:27 p.m.—At this point, I’m getting crap from people on Twitter for not enjoying this film, so I will say that Babydoll’s make-up in this film is flawless. She looks great for being in an asylum.

8:25 p.m.—I think that the sensei in the Japanese fourth reality is a stand in for this guy.

8:22 p.m.—Why is Babydoll the only girl in this third reality that gets to wear anything close to an outfit? And this is like a Sailor Moon outfit.

8:15 p.m.—Okay, the fact that Rocket needed to finish her monologue on a previously stationary bed that had to be turned on to start spinning is the first time in this entire film that I’ve been slightly amused.

8:11 p.m.—This is a terrible cover of The Pixies.

8:09 p.m.—Wait, the stepfather and the orderly are discussing lobotomizing the protagonist right behind her?

8:07 p.m.—The theater is just a patient rec room. Or at least it would be for current psych systems. Also, are all of the patients women? Because the orderly keeps saying “girls.”

8:03 p.m.—Did the glass from the lightbulb kill her sister, or did the bullet do some insane ricocheting?

8:01 p.m.–Yes, it is.

8:00 p.m.–Is this a cover of “Sweet Dreams Are Made of This”?

7:58 p.m.—The film starts off framed by a stage. How original.

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