Some Thoughts Upon Returning From a Play I’m Definitely Not Reviewing

1). Please don’t text message during the shows. If the show is agonizing or boring to you, just sit through it. Or leave at intermission. Some shows may be agonizing or tedious to me, but I don’t whip out my cell phone and start telling my father about how horrible a show is.

2). Long curtain calls suck. If it’s too long, I tend to just stop clapping.

3). What the hell happened to the pandemic of misusing a standing ovation? I have now seen two plays in a row where no one has given it a standing ovation. Actually, at Enchanted April, I was the only person giving it a standing ovation at the performance I saw. It was awkward.

4). Poop jokes aren’t funny. Get over it.

5). I was reminded as to why I hope I’m infertile. To spare the world the horror of little Monica’s running around, and to spare my children from enduring my opinion of their school plays.

I’m going to see Play Two in my Two Plays in 36 Hours this weekend. That play is Rocky Horror Show at Theatre Cedar Rapids. It closes tomorrow night, so I won’t be reviewing it. But I’m seeing it with a friend.

Not reviewing the play I saw tonight because no one will give a damn about what I think about it and even I don’t want to read my review of it.

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